Meringue Pupa, Vandalised Bomb, Eleventh Hour Udder:

he went by many names

but today

Moomintroll is shrink-wrapped in the gammon carousel

at Waitrose,

his fat in circles round him like a hoopla peg,

rumour, though, suggests dementia

after ten years as a full-time semen donor,

his sex identical to windscreen wipers

though renegade and twice as squeaky.

Whatever,

Death the Chiropractor culled

his valley calcium

manipulated his cranial sac

and turned his plush into a single-seater.